Bible Superstore

scares me.  Every so often I must go to a Christian book store to remind myself why I don't frequent these stores. I did this today on my way home.  I was genuinely curious (and am considering purchasing a new Bible).  I am no longer anything but freaked out.

Reason #1: Shameless pop culture rip offs such as this lovely specimen.  Will Jesus really love you more if you give money to large companies that make Christian knock offs of My Little Pony than if you purchase the real thing?  How do you know for sure (without a thorough search of the company's records) that the organization is even run by Christians? 

Reason #2: When did the Bible become something other than the Bible? It has the same words in it, right? I hope so! There were bibles for the Army, Navy, Marines, Firefighters, Policemen, Nurses, men, women, mothers, empty-nesters, newlyweds, edgy teens, etc. AAHHHHH! Now before you get defensive, I will allow that not every study bible is the same, and we each have unique preferences when it comes to the study of the Bible. Still, will getting a pink hug every morning really aid you in your spiritual growth?

Reason #3: Actually, this isn’t a reason to get freaked out, but I found it humorous. A careful reading of the titles of these two books seems to put them at odds with each other. “Success Kills” next to subtitle:”the Anatomy of a Successful Life”. I’m sure if I read them, they wouldn’t be terribly far from each other, but on first glance, this was too funny to pass up.

 

Reason #4: Kitch. Dear friends, if you are ever tempted to spend the $90 on me please consider purchasing me a massage, or a good book or two, or just keeping the money and dialing my number for some good conversation. Please don’t purchase this “lovely” work of art. I don’t think it’s worth $90. I don’t think it’s attractive. I would never hang it up anywhere in my house where I would have to look at it. Upon receipt, I would immediately throw it away or re-gift it to my worst enemy. I hate kitch-y, Christian junk. I know there are plenty out there who love this stuff. I’m not one of them.

P.S. Please never purchase any of the above for any family members that may live under my roof. That way I won’t have to break one of the commandments lying to you about how nice your gift is.