people you work with start asking you to write letters of recommendation for their grad school apps. Yeah, that's when it hit me several months back that I had been where I am for a bit too long.
It's a strange dichotomy. On one hand, I'm flattered that people think I can get them into school and that my ever-so-humble opinion matters. On the other hand, WHAT THE HECK?!? I am not old enough or experienced enough to be doing that sort of thing, right? Apparently, I am old enough and experienced enough.
I have to say that overall the experience left me feeling washed up. I've been saying I'll go to school for four years, but I never apply. LHF is comfortable. I know it. I have friends there. I don't want to face the possibility of failing in a larger world, but if I stay here, I'll only feel more washed up. I know I can do more than LHF and that it's not a job I really love anymore.
Still...I remember the people in their late twenties who worked at LHF when I started. I looked up to them, but I didn't really expect to be one of them. I knew they weren't thrilled with the idea of staying at LHF much longer. It's that sort of place--the kind where you go to get a good start but that you'd feel awful for staying at too long because staying there means you're settling.
I walked into work last spring and said, I'm done here. I am. I'm done settling.
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