Welcome back?

So the foot of snow we got last night is melting.  It was above freezing this morning.  It's gotten warmer and warmer.  There isn't much white stuff left.  Crazy Colorado!

Where'd you go, Spring?

So yesterday it was 70 degrees outside.  The sun was shining.  It was AMAZING.  I enjoyed waiting for the bus even though it was 10 minutes late because I got to breathe in some lovely spring air.

In honor of spring, I made a blackberry rhubarb custard pie--a new creation, but a successful one.  Yum! 

This morning it was cold and rainy.  Currently, it looks like this:

Now I feel like chocolate cake. 









Oh, and I am jealous of every single one of you starting seeds and planning a garden right now.

Prodigal

Hooray for break!  I had a great time in Des Moines with my lovely friends this past week!  I also had a chance to go to church at Walnut Hills UMC with Sarah.  (Thanks for getting up after a late night so we could go, friend!)  One of the reasons I miss my church in Des Moines is Pastor Doug. I think everytime I hear his sermons I'm challenged to  look at myself/faith/life/the Bible/etc. from a new perspective.  I'm not saying his sermons are crazy or out there, but that man has a gift for uncovering new insights in well-worn, taken-for-granted stories.  For instance, this past Sunday, he talked about the story of the Prodigal Son from Luke 15--a very normal thing to do durng Lent.
Perhaps the reason this sermon seemed like it came out of nowhere was because I had never bothered to learn what "prodigal" meant. (aka, I'm the ignorant one.  I'm sure the rest of you mastered this one a long time ago.)  I spent the previous 26 years believing that "prodigal" had more to do with desertion and delinquency than anything else.  Apparently, I was very wrong.  So much for learning words through context; this one fooled me.  "Prodigal" means overly extravagant or wasteful.  (If I'd have bothered to read the commetator's text notes in my Bible, I would have discovered this, too.)  This "new" definition certainly makes sense within the context of the story, but wow if I'd know this earlier, I would have understood this parable more clearly a lot earlier.
Doug's main point was that while the son's wastefulness is often our focus, there's someone else in the story who is even more prodigal: the father.  The father welcomes his son back unconditionally in spite of conventional wisdom, in spite of prudence and logic, in spite of the fact that he had a loyal son who had done everything right to measure his prodigal son against.  There was no probation period in which the son had to prove he 'really meant it'; instead, the father threw a big party right away.  A big party  for a wasteful, previously-unfilial, irresponsible son seems like a prodigal sort of thing to do when I think about it.  Why waste time, money, resources, love, and effort on someone who hasn't shown them to you, right?  That's not very wise or practical. 
That was Doug's point.  God and the Kingdom of God defy human wisdom.  God's love is not prudent; it is prodigal.  It is extravagant and wasteful, and God "wastes" his love on a bunch of people who will never deserve it--us.  But God does it anyway because God's love doesn't work according to our ideas of merit.  (Lucky us.) 
I re-read the passage a few days later because I was still thinking about this sermon.  You know, the first part of Luke 15 contains the parables of the lost sheep and lost coin.  All three of these parables are formulaic.  Someone has several____.  He/she loses one ____.  Leaving all the other _____, he/she searches for the lost ___ (except in the "prodigal" story).  When he/she finds the lost _____, he/she gets all his/her friends together and throws a big party. 
Okay, I'm going to come clean here, friends.  I feel for the filial brother. I feel for the 99 sheep the shepherd leaves alone so he can go find his lost sheep.  I resent Luke 15: 7, "Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."  This is great if you're the "lost" one, but IT IS SO HARD to be okay with when you're one of the ones who isn't "lost".  See the problem is that I'm both, right?  I'm always lost because I'm a sinner.  (I guess this is the good news....)  Yet, as a Christian, if I'm trying to do what I'm 'supposed to' it's hard to not resent that even though I'm supposed to "keep up the good work" that this whole 'doing the right thing' situation isn't merit-based.  I'm not very good at this unconditional Kingdom of God love at all.  It's a lot easier to judge and compare, isn't it?  How come it's easier to resent this sort of love than recognize how very, very fortunate I am?

Daily Dose of Neurosis

You know, it is almost 2 AM.  I cannot sleep.  I think my least favorite part about grad school is the way it's destroyed my ability to sleep.  My second least favorite part is that it has made me a neurotic mess.  I've become a self-absorbed bundle of nerves.  Tonight I went to bed before midnight.  But then, right on the edge of sleep my mind started thinking about school.  Thinking about school means that I immediately get a jolt of adrenaline as I begin to contemplate everything I must do.  Of course, this is followed by all the stupid mistakes I've made recently and all the possible mistakes I might make in the future. Once I get to sleep, I dream about failing out of school or about my friends deciding they hate me.  Then I wake up remembering those lovely dreams.
It's RIDICULOUS! 
My rational mind knows that I'm making mountains out of mole hills, but I cannot shut this crazy brain off.  Diversion tactics don't work.  I feel like I need to be that kid in The Giver who uses good memories when he's afraid or in trouble.  Grad school has taken my warm and fuzzy memories for the moment.  Also, I've decided that I totally understand why some grad students commit suicide.  Don't worry.  I am NOT suicidal AT ALL.  However, I can understand how pressure piles up, and I can understand how easy it is to start believing that your performance 'matters' and reflects on your personal worth.  Those feelings are really hard to fight, especially when you really like parts of it and get really invested in them.  And then you start going crazy....
The happy news:  I am headed east on Friday afternoon!

Happy Belated Women's Day!

Hey all of you lovely women!  In case you didn't know, Monday was International Women's Day!  It's a day for celebrating women.  Overall that seems pretty cool.  I think the coolest part is that there's often chocolate involved.  (I ate a brownie.) 
I learned about this lovely holiday in Russia.  The U.S. doesn't celebrate Women's Day.  I wonder if this isn't in part because of Valentines Day.  However, this isn't particularly fair as Valentine's Day leaves some women (and men) out of the celebration (especially after elementary school ends).  Bummer.

Anyway, to all of my women friends, I celebrate you.  :)

Award

So a few weeks ago, I got my first blogging award from La at Prone to Wander...!  However, the stipulations of such an award are that I must pass it on.  I think it's about time for such action, wouldn't you agree?  Unfortunately, I am not nearly as popular as La, and my followers are few.  Still, they're pretty great, so here goes:

My quest in this...

link her

pass on to some bloggers

and give you 7 things about me.

Ok, here are my beautiful bloggers:

La, you don't have to repost this, but you are, my friend, a beautiful woman and a fun blogger!

Alaina

Allison

Amanda

Jenna

Lianna

Sandi
Sarah

7 things about me:
 
1. I usually find that homemade brownies and box mix brownies taste the same, so I never feel like I am violating my principles when I purchase a box instead of whipping out my cookbooks.
2. I think watching baseball on TV is just as boring as watching RFDTV livestock auctions. 
3. My favorite academic article is about weeds in Montana.
4. I am related to my favorite singer, Wendy Jans, through marriage.  :)
5. I hate the way corn syrup coats my teeth, so I don't drink soda or most bottled juice.
6. I enjoy eating bananas in all forms except fresh/frozen. I am devastated when nasty brown banana pieces end up un fruit cups. 
7. My favorite fiction author is John Steinbeck.

Break is coming!

In a week and a half, I will be on Spring Break!!!!! 
These are my plans:
See these people (plus some others including my family):

Eat this:

and some other delicious food because I'm going to have a sushi party and a cooking date with Allie!

All of this will occur in the 'great' state of Iowa.  This means lots of driving.  Ugh.

Finally, I will return and work on my homework like a crazy woman for at least four days.  Then break will be over.