"The women on The Bachelor are starting to drive me nuts! I'm glad that 2 of the 3 who left tonight went home, but there's so much hostility between some of those who are left. I feel bad for Jake that he has to put up with them!"
I said: "He's getting paid a lot of money (and fame) to put up with them. He's getting a lot of action. He's surrounded by beautiful women who will do almost anything to be with him. He gets to choose which one to be with. I am not inclined to feel sorry for him. ;-)"
She said: "Totally understandable. I guess its just their attitudes that get to me. Those who are there to play games and being stupid make me want to drag them out by their hair. He deserves better than that."
Seriously!?!? This Jake guy was probably familiar with the show before he signed on. The show has never been about love between mature adults. It has always been about playing games and melodrama. That's why it's so popular. Luckily, this is a stupid facebook conversation. Since I cannot respond without being insulting or condescending, I am not responding to her. I am venting here. This is going to save more than one friendship.
Dramatic? Yes. But friends, what do you do when you're super-good friends with someone, but you find a civil relationship with his significant other hard to navigate? Not that this person is a horrible person. We can get along, but I'm quite sure I'm doing most of the compromising because I want to remain friends with my good friend. Most of the compromises involve me holding my tongue because sarcasm and/or disagreeing on any level are not an option with this woman.
*Disclaimer: I have not watched the Bachelor at ALL this season (or any other TV show). I have no idea what's going on with Jake and his women. If you feel I am too harsh on the show, I am up for a discussion on the redeeming qualites of Jake, the women, or the Bachelor in general.
Monday, January 18, 2010
New Responsibilities
I met the new professor I will be working with this semester. He is awesome. As in, he is night and day different from my experience last semester already.
He asked me what my goals for this semester were. Goals? How about passing all of my classes and not doing anything to make him angry with me? Those sound like reasonable goals, right? Really, my problem is that last semester I literally did everything except lecture (except that's not true because I led class at least once in the prof's absence). So finding something that I genuinely want to learn to do or something new to be involved in is a bit of a challenge. I learned all of this just a few months ago in a do-or-die sort of situation. However, trying to be a professional, I told him I wanted to learn from him as a lecturer and be as involved as possible in teaching the class, including lecturing. This is, after all, is exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life: teach college-level history. He seemed cool with the idea. He even told me that to get me more involved, he'd like me to help him write tests, give announcements, administer the online class page, and be an available resource for students. I had to fight back a smile; he thought he was really giving me a lot of responsibility. He actually said that he was ASKING and not REQUIRING me to do all of this stuff. Little did he know that his requests and requirements for me are significantly less than those of my previous professor.
Reduced duties for the semester:
1) I do not have to escort this prof. to and from class.
2) I do not have to stand up front and help this prof. by finding his spot in lecture, putting up overheads, listening to students' questions and repeating them back to the prof. because he can't hear/understand them.
3) I do not have to write, copy, and distrubute this prof.'s tests on my own/unsupervised.
4) I do not have to grade 100+ tests/essays per class assignment. I will only grade half (60), and I will not have to worry that this prof. is giving out unreasonably low grades that he will bump up more than a letter grade if challenged. Integrity is a good quality.
5) I do not have to answer this prof.'s emails for him.
6) I do not have to act as a liason between this prof. and the departmet secretaries, head of the department, other college departments and offices, and students.
7) I do not have to make sure that this prof. is doing his job and do not have to relay reminders to do his job to him from his superiors.
8) I do not have to "figure things out" because this prof. knows how to use the technology he employs in his class.
9) I do not have to be the final authority on grades. This prof. will not defer to my judgement when his grading is disputed by students. He will not purposely avoid scheduled appointments with students in an attempt to get me to deal with them.
10) I do not have to listen to this prof. tell me that President Obama wants him dead or any other conspiracy theories.
So to summarize, this professor is competent and reasonable. Also, there will be an undergraduate assisting with the class who I know is very competent. Seriously, THANK GOD!
He asked me what my goals for this semester were. Goals? How about passing all of my classes and not doing anything to make him angry with me? Those sound like reasonable goals, right? Really, my problem is that last semester I literally did everything except lecture (except that's not true because I led class at least once in the prof's absence). So finding something that I genuinely want to learn to do or something new to be involved in is a bit of a challenge. I learned all of this just a few months ago in a do-or-die sort of situation. However, trying to be a professional, I told him I wanted to learn from him as a lecturer and be as involved as possible in teaching the class, including lecturing. This is, after all, is exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life: teach college-level history. He seemed cool with the idea. He even told me that to get me more involved, he'd like me to help him write tests, give announcements, administer the online class page, and be an available resource for students. I had to fight back a smile; he thought he was really giving me a lot of responsibility. He actually said that he was ASKING and not REQUIRING me to do all of this stuff. Little did he know that his requests and requirements for me are significantly less than those of my previous professor.
Reduced duties for the semester:
1) I do not have to escort this prof. to and from class.
2) I do not have to stand up front and help this prof. by finding his spot in lecture, putting up overheads, listening to students' questions and repeating them back to the prof. because he can't hear/understand them.
3) I do not have to write, copy, and distrubute this prof.'s tests on my own/unsupervised.
4) I do not have to grade 100+ tests/essays per class assignment. I will only grade half (60), and I will not have to worry that this prof. is giving out unreasonably low grades that he will bump up more than a letter grade if challenged. Integrity is a good quality.
5) I do not have to answer this prof.'s emails for him.
6) I do not have to act as a liason between this prof. and the departmet secretaries, head of the department, other college departments and offices, and students.
7) I do not have to make sure that this prof. is doing his job and do not have to relay reminders to do his job to him from his superiors.
8) I do not have to "figure things out" because this prof. knows how to use the technology he employs in his class.
9) I do not have to be the final authority on grades. This prof. will not defer to my judgement when his grading is disputed by students. He will not purposely avoid scheduled appointments with students in an attempt to get me to deal with them.
10) I do not have to listen to this prof. tell me that President Obama wants him dead or any other conspiracy theories.
So to summarize, this professor is competent and reasonable. Also, there will be an undergraduate assisting with the class who I know is very competent. Seriously, THANK GOD!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Something to look forward to:
All of my required books for this semester have arrived.
A stack of equal size will accompany this once I decide what my topic for my research seminar will be.
I am currently in need of another book shelf.
I am currently in need of another book shelf.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Christmas Break Overview
This past month has been lovely. Going to a state university has its perks. My favorite one is that I got a month off from school, and I still got paid. After last semester, I needed a break. Going back to school takes some serious adjusting, and I was ‘over’ last semester at Thanksgiving. Fortunately, my time off has given my brain a break, and I am ready (mostly) to head back to classes.
Highlights of my break:
1) Going to see my husband’s parents and sister in Pennsylvania. They’re lots of fun. We sang, played games, ate scrumptious food, etc.
The lovely picture below is of my delicious homemade tiramisu with homemade ladyfingers. (I definitely recommend making them from scratch instead of buying them from a grocery store. They hold up better.)
I received the Penzey's "Curry" set from the parents-in-law. Note very awesome packaging that includes bay leave, cinnamon sticks, and whole nutmegs. (Curry is not the same without them.)
2) Visiting Gettysburg. These are my parents-in-law. Husband and I took a pic with Abe, but apparently, we dreamed this part, as there was no pic on the camera the next day. Notice excellent mood-setting fog. I couldn’t actually see the battlefields, but the fog helped remind me of the catastrophic bloodshed that took place where I was standing.
These graves were numbered because no one could identify them when they were buried. There were hundreds of these markers.
This is me with one of many holly trees. I like them.
This tree is even cooler. It’s called a sweet gum tree and sheds pods that look like super-magnified allergens.
3) Reading the Master and Margarita, Assassination Vacation, A Perfect Red, Flannery O’Connor.
4) Watching tons of movies without feeling guilty. (No homework)
5) Going skiing for the first time. A fellow grad student took husband and I skiing. He was very patient. I appreciated that. Unfortunately, there are no pics. Husband was in charge of the camera (because it was in his computer bag), but since he forgot it, you’ll have to imagine me in ski gear/skiing.
Highlights of my break:
1) Going to see my husband’s parents and sister in Pennsylvania. They’re lots of fun. We sang, played games, ate scrumptious food, etc.
4) Watching tons of movies without feeling guilty. (No homework)
5) Going skiing for the first time. A fellow grad student took husband and I skiing. He was very patient. I appreciated that. Unfortunately, there are no pics. Husband was in charge of the camera (because it was in his computer bag), but since he forgot it, you’ll have to imagine me in ski gear/skiing.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Manuscripts Don't Burn
I re-read the novel by Bulgokov, the Master and Margarita. It was just as amazing this time as the last time I read it in Russia...and I think I understood it even better this time around. What is cooler than the devil and his henchmen wrecking havoc on 1930s communist/atheist Moscow? Nothing. What is more hopelessly romantic than making pact with the devil to save your one true love? Nothing. (Okay, that's not entirely true.) This book is funny, thought-provoking, and was written in secrecy. (Which is also very cool...except for Bulgokov, who would have been executed if the Soviet authorities had discovered it.) The novel was published posthumously and is technically still unfinished--Bulgokov died before he could finish polishing it. Still, this book remains on my top favorite books list for several reasons.
1) Bulgokov is an excellent descriptive writer--very good at capturing the essence of the myriad characters he presents.
2)The book is funny. When the devil shows up in Moscow, his first conversation with humans is about whether he exists or not. They don't know it's him, of course, but still, it's hilarious!
3) In typical Russian fashion, Bulgokov is well-read and incorporats themes from Faust and other famous European literature. He's also an excellent student of history. And on top of that, he's so comfortable with both that he is able to take poetic license and create something unique! Who knew that 1930s Russia and Jerusalem on the eve of Jesus' execution could be brought together!?!
4) "Manuscripts don't burn." The entire story is a dialogue about the responsibility of those who know the 'truth' to tell it in the face of persection. When one refuses to tell the truth, it sticks with/haunts him or her in a "your sins will be found out" sort of way. The results of courage and cowardice are on display in their most humorous, terrifying, and eternal aspects.
1) Bulgokov is an excellent descriptive writer--very good at capturing the essence of the myriad characters he presents.
2)The book is funny. When the devil shows up in Moscow, his first conversation with humans is about whether he exists or not. They don't know it's him, of course, but still, it's hilarious!
3) In typical Russian fashion, Bulgokov is well-read and incorporats themes from Faust and other famous European literature. He's also an excellent student of history. And on top of that, he's so comfortable with both that he is able to take poetic license and create something unique! Who knew that 1930s Russia and Jerusalem on the eve of Jesus' execution could be brought together!?!
4) "Manuscripts don't burn." The entire story is a dialogue about the responsibility of those who know the 'truth' to tell it in the face of persection. When one refuses to tell the truth, it sticks with/haunts him or her in a "your sins will be found out" sort of way. The results of courage and cowardice are on display in their most humorous, terrifying, and eternal aspects.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Business
A week ago I went to see “A Musical Christmas Carol” with my family. Basically, it’s Dickens’ famous play with a bunch of Christmas carols. It was awesome. It was festive. And when it ended with Tiny Tim’s “God bless us every one!” I had shed more than one tear.
I’ve read, watched, and heard this story at least a dozen times over the course of my life. Still, this time I was struck by the scene in which the ghost of Marley tells Scrooge the spirits will come to visit him. Attempting to make sense of Marley’s plea that Scrooge change his ways so that he doesn’t end up like Marley, Scrooge, completely bewildered about why Marley’s life was inadequate, says, “But you were always a good man of business, Jacob.”
And this is Marley’s response: “Business!” cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. “Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”
I don’t know how anyone can read/hear this without being convicted. “Mankind was my business.” Granted, I also know the Victorian perfectionist movement that spawned this story was not as altruistic or even as Christian as many people want to believe. Still, every time I hear these words I am reminded that, as usual, I have gotten too self-absorbed and lost sight of those things that are truly important: people.
Loving and caring for people is hard work when you’re in grad school. Really hard. I admit I feel torn between my need to do my work—work that will get me the career I want, helping people in a way I feel called to help, and for which I moved my husband and myself to another state and am paying money that will be wasted if I don’t invest myself in learning the information I want and need to learn—and my need and calling to care for and about the people in my life right now. I want to live a life in which my ‘business’ includes my career and my family, friends, and community. Sometimes I feel like grad school is asking me to suspend this life. Yet I also feel like I should be in school. I don’t have any answers. I guess life’s business is just sort of messy sometimes.
I’ve read, watched, and heard this story at least a dozen times over the course of my life. Still, this time I was struck by the scene in which the ghost of Marley tells Scrooge the spirits will come to visit him. Attempting to make sense of Marley’s plea that Scrooge change his ways so that he doesn’t end up like Marley, Scrooge, completely bewildered about why Marley’s life was inadequate, says, “But you were always a good man of business, Jacob.”
And this is Marley’s response: “Business!” cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. “Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”
I don’t know how anyone can read/hear this without being convicted. “Mankind was my business.” Granted, I also know the Victorian perfectionist movement that spawned this story was not as altruistic or even as Christian as many people want to believe. Still, every time I hear these words I am reminded that, as usual, I have gotten too self-absorbed and lost sight of those things that are truly important: people.
Loving and caring for people is hard work when you’re in grad school. Really hard. I admit I feel torn between my need to do my work—work that will get me the career I want, helping people in a way I feel called to help, and for which I moved my husband and myself to another state and am paying money that will be wasted if I don’t invest myself in learning the information I want and need to learn—and my need and calling to care for and about the people in my life right now. I want to live a life in which my ‘business’ includes my career and my family, friends, and community. Sometimes I feel like grad school is asking me to suspend this life. Yet I also feel like I should be in school. I don’t have any answers. I guess life’s business is just sort of messy sometimes.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Daddy
Last night the Trapp family went to the Christmas eve service at my parents-in-law's church. Because the Trapps are always involved, all Trapps were required to be involved. Therefore, I ended up being Mary, reprising a role I hadn't played since I was 15 in a church where no one knew me. I don't know about you, but in the church I grew up in, girls went crazy trying to get to be the one to play Mary. It was a big deal. No one from outside the church would EVER have been allowed to usurp this role. Yet, even though I asked several other girls who actually attended this church if they wanted to play the role, they all said no. Strange. So I played Mary. I felt weird.
At the end of the service, at which my father-in-law preached, we lit candles and sang "Silent Night", which is one of my favorite Christmas traditions. The woman who had assisted my father-in-law with communion right before the candle lighting stood in between me and my father-in-law. As the music started, she turned to me and said, "Would you like to stand by your daddy?" I was totally taken aback! He's not my daddy! My daddy was in Iowa, and I was not with him on Christmas eve for the first time in my entire life! Still, the middle of "Silent Night" wasn't the right situation to tell a perfect stranger that she had no idea what she was talking about. She, after all, didn't know that my father-in-law was "daddy" to my sister-in-law who was standing half-way across the room. She was trying to be nice. So I said, "Thank you," and I traded places with the woman.
I spent the rest of "Silent Night" thinking about this "incident," and I decided that while my father-in-law isn't my "daddy", he's pretty great. And genrally, I am so fortunate to have married into a wonderful, loving family where I do feel like a daughter and a sister and not the interloping wedge between my husband and his parents. I'm spending Christmas without my mom, dad, brothers and sister, but I'm also spending it with my other family who I love dearly. (And on a less emothional level, I'm not in the middle of a midwest ice storm wondering if the power will stay on. It's raining here, but there's still lots of snow. It's not freezing, and I'm cozy, well-fed, and surrounded by fun people.)
Merry Christmas!
At the end of the service, at which my father-in-law preached, we lit candles and sang "Silent Night", which is one of my favorite Christmas traditions. The woman who had assisted my father-in-law with communion right before the candle lighting stood in between me and my father-in-law. As the music started, she turned to me and said, "Would you like to stand by your daddy?" I was totally taken aback! He's not my daddy! My daddy was in Iowa, and I was not with him on Christmas eve for the first time in my entire life! Still, the middle of "Silent Night" wasn't the right situation to tell a perfect stranger that she had no idea what she was talking about. She, after all, didn't know that my father-in-law was "daddy" to my sister-in-law who was standing half-way across the room. She was trying to be nice. So I said, "Thank you," and I traded places with the woman.
I spent the rest of "Silent Night" thinking about this "incident," and I decided that while my father-in-law isn't my "daddy", he's pretty great. And genrally, I am so fortunate to have married into a wonderful, loving family where I do feel like a daughter and a sister and not the interloping wedge between my husband and his parents. I'm spending Christmas without my mom, dad, brothers and sister, but I'm also spending it with my other family who I love dearly. (And on a less emothional level, I'm not in the middle of a midwest ice storm wondering if the power will stay on. It's raining here, but there's still lots of snow. It's not freezing, and I'm cozy, well-fed, and surrounded by fun people.)
Merry Christmas!
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