I have had no interest in blogging for close to a year. I didn't feel like writing. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. So I didn't.
But tonight something really important happened that made me want to share again.
I worked on my thesis, and I didn't have a panic attack. I didn't feel sick. I didn't hate every minute of it. I didn't spend the entire time thinking it was an exercise in futility. I felt okay, like maybe, just maybe I might have a chance of finishing this and even liking it in the process - like I keep understanding from a logical perspective but not a real, experienced one. Like maybe I might be done with school soon. As in maybe, just maybe, I cracked the door open a bit and am ready to be done with all of the self-doubt and frustration and fear and anger that I let hold me back.
And maybe not. Maybe tonight is an anomaly. But it feels more like a turning point.
But I think I'm probably still done blogging. Maybe someday I'll have more adventures and will want to share.
Mostly though, I just want to be done.
What are you writing your thesis on? Congratulations on being almost done!
ReplyDeleteI'm writing about breastfeeding in the U.S. during the 1700s and early 1800s. The arguments about whether doctors or mothers have the knowledge and authority to decide what's best for an infant and whether breastfeeding is necessary or unnecessary for your baby (and mothers who do it are or aren't the best mothers) are very old arguments!
Delete