helped me figure out more about who I am and what I want out of life. It's not all figured out yet. That's supposed to be exciting. I'm not that excited. I have no idea when I'll become excited that I'm still figuring things out. Figuring things out isn't the problem most of the time; the problem is giving people an honest answer that doesn't bewilder them further--or cause serious concern for my mental health and personal responsibility.
I think I want to be a professor. I've thought that since I was in college. I've been working at a museum instead for a while. I like it. I don't want to do it forever. Still, it's safe, and I have amazing friends there. I get to chop things, burn things, dig in the dirt, dress down for work, talk way too much, and learn about obscure things that will be useful if the electricity is ever unavailable or I want to feed sick people the same way Harriet Beecher Stowe or frickin' Laura Ingalls Wilder did. University life is not exactly like that. Plus, it's harder work.
Four years is a big break from pursuing what you think are your goals. I've learned a lot, gotten married, and "grown as a person," but maybe I've just been procrastinating. Going after what you want is scary. What if you aren't good at it? What if you hate it? What if you discover that you were pursuing the wrong thing? I guess, change course. Lots of people expect me to do well, excel, etc. at this. I feel a bit of pressure.
My applications to grad school are nearly done. There's nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs and write a bunch of blither until I find out if any of them like me. Then I'll know what course change I'm making.
No comments:
Post a Comment